I dated someone similar once, and it’s funny how you can be with someone for years and still feel blindsided by their expectations. My boyfriend and I were together for about three years, and we’d started talking about the future marriage, kids, the usual. I saw this cute baby name, Everett, on a reel one day, and casually mentioned to him how perfect it would be for our future son. He laughed, said he liked it, but told me we’d have to save it for the second child. I was a little confused and asked why.
He then explained that every firstborn son in his family is given the same name, and it’s been a family tradition for generations his brother has it, his dad, his grandpa, everyone. I honestly didn’t love the name; it was unique but just wasn’t my style. I figured I’d just share my thoughts with him, casually suggesting we could maybe use it as a middle name instead. Well, he was not a fan of that idea. He got upset, saying he didn’t want to be the one to break the tradition and that I was out of line for even suggesting an alternative. I felt like my opinion was completely disregarded, even though it’s my kid too!
I told him that since I’d be the one carrying this hypothetical child, plus they’d already have his last name, it’s only fair that I’d have a say in the first name. But he kept insisting that it was important to honor this tradition, and he seemed to think I was being selfish and “whining over something that isn’t even an issue yet” because we’re not expecting a baby anytime soon. I tried explaining how this goes a bit deeper for me, though I’m the youngest of three girls, and once I take his last name, my own family name will kind of disappear. That’s part of why I’d really love to choose a name that feels special to both of us.
So, here we are, stuck on something that doesn’t even technically matter yet but feels like a big deal to me. Most of my friends think I’m overreacting, but I don’t know it feels like this isn’t just about a name but about how we make decisions together. It’s like a preview of future “traditions” he might expect me to fall in line with. I just want to feel like I’m an equal part of our future, not like someone who has to agree with his family’s plans by default.
Looking at some of the comments, it seems like opinions are all over the place! Some people are calling her overdramatic, saying, “Why worry about a name for a kid that doesn’t even exist yet?” Others support her, pointing out that she should absolutely have a say in the naming of her own child and that traditions shouldn’t dictate personal choices.
Here’s a few comments and some friendly responses:
